The Hit 2003 Frog Golf Video Game Ribbit King is Secretly an Endorsement for United States Imperialism, and I can Prove it

Frolf. There’s no word more synonymous with the blazing summer of beautiful 2003. It was the sport on everybody’s mind. The radical invention of frolf, otherwise known as frog golf, took the Japanese youth by storm when Bandai Namco’s Ribbit King hit store shelves on July 11, and it hit hard. But Ribbit King has a dark secret, one that we were never meant to know. In truth, Ribbit King is propaganda designed to manufacture consent for U.S. Imperialism following the Al Qaeda terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, as well as the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

And the evidence is irrefutable.

An Introduction to Ribbit King

Ribbit King is a jolly game where players partake of the fictional sport of frolf, a golf like sport in which participants use hammers to launch frogs off of catapults, flinging them across a variety of whimsical planets, earning points and eating flies as they make their way to the hole of each course.

An Actual Introduction to Ribbit King

Ribbit King is a dark and twisted simulacrum of the early Iraq War which cleverly utilizes bright colours and cartoon characters as a veil for a sickening allegory of an idealized, destructively nationalistic, and nonexistent version of the American lie that was the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

…What?

So you’re confused. I get it. The truth is a tough pill to swallow. And yet, the truth will remain the truth, and I, agent of enquiry that I am, will stop at nothing to share the secrets of Ribbit King with the world.

Let me break it down for you.

The story mode of Ribbit King follows the exploits a young carpenter by the name of Scooter (pictured above) who, on a mission from King Hippity-Hop of his home planet of Hippitron, participates in an intergalactic frolf tournament to obtain the prize of a supply of Super Ribbinite, a mythical resource that acts as the source of all of Hippitron’s energy. Sound familiar? That’s right. King Hippity-Hop is a stand-in for former U.S. president George W. Bush, Scooter represents a blue collar American worker, lured into the army by the false promise of attaining glory by fighting for his country, and Super Ribbinite? Why, it’s oil, of course.

Throughout his journey, Scooter does battle with the inhabitants of the myriad planets of the galaxy, proliferating resources and items from them as he does, with his tournament run coming to a climactic end after he defeats the sentient gachapon machine and titular Ribbit King, Gumbah-Goo. Although the writers clearly attempted to portray Scooter’s journey in a positive light, it’s evident to that this is nothing more than a feeble ploy to represent U.S. intervention in foreign countries as something worthy of our support, all by reframing it through the lens of a children’s golf game. And if you’re looking for further evidence, take a look at the character Pan-Pan and his frog, Pouncer.

Pan-Pan hails from Planet Pow-Pow and is a kung-fu expert, while Pouncer loves bamboo and was born in China, implying the existence of Earth in the Ribbit King universe. The two are also the only characters in the game with slanted eyes. As we all know, racism is a key value of the modern American politician, which the blatantly disrespectful depictment of Chinese stereotypes present in the pair of Pan-Pan and Pouncer is obviously both referencing and supporting. You know who else is racist? Yup. The previously mentioned George Bush. Don’t think I’ve forgotten how you handled Katrina.

What Does it All Mean?

Look. I’m a person who values critical thinking. More than that, I’m a person who values truth. That is to say that I’m not going to tell you how to think or what to believe, but I will tell you this: Ribbit King disgusts me. It is the spawn of everything I hate about the U.S. It is a revolting excuse for a video game that seeks to poison the minds of all who play it. Unfortunately, however, this is where my coverage must end. I fear that if I, as a journalist, continue to speak out against Ribbit King, I’ll be putting myself at risk of dying under “mysterious circumstances.” In my absence, dear reader, remember to always think for yourself, and remember to always search for the truth, no matter what.

And to think that I didn’t even talk about the second story mode…