Smokers and Subs
/There are very few moments a retail worker can relish, though they do happen. For example: the moment you punch out for break and run through the store avoiding eye contact and inquiries for assistance, the moment a horribly rude customer has their credit card declined, or the moment another insensitive customer says that they will be taking their business elsewhere (and that place happens to have gone out of business months ago).
However, the happiest moment in a worker's life is when they come upon a unicorn. And just like in mythology they only come around once in a while, only to be seen by the truly worthy – or at least that’s my version of it.
These unicorns look different to every retail employee. My unicorns are smokers, and not the traditional tobacco kind. Though I am not one for the smell of marijuana, high males are the nicest customers and the most exciting to engage in conversations with, nothing you say is taken seriously, and they love absolutely everything.
I discovered my first unicorn while working at Subway. It emerged in late spring wearing a tuxedo and cummerbund, with a corsage pinned to its lapel. It came in and smiled, and made jokes while ordering everything on the menu.
These kinds of unicorns appear to thoroughly appreciate my service, their mouths spilling an endless surplus of benedictions. Each time they promise me their first-born for the simple act of making them a sub. It doesn’t matter how I put it together, they always think it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread! They honour me by taking multiple pictures of my creations. They even apologize for the fact that they won’t be able to make a shrine in honour of the delicacy I concocted for them, seeing as they are so hungry.
They disappear as quickly as they emerge. Leaving me feeling happy and rejuvenated enough to finish my shift without going into Hulk-mode. And it is in those moments that I regain my hope for the survival of society, despite being tainted by what the government has deemed an illegal substance.
I have yet to find my unicorn in the world of electronics. Those who qualified in the world of sandwiches just don’t make the cut anymore; they come in to complain of fried electronic devices. Hopefully I will find my copacetic unicorn soon, before I give up hope and start losing my faith in the myth.
Caitlin Graham
Caitlin Graham prides herself on saying she graduated university without debt, after working up to six part-time jobs at a time. However, she can be classified as a glass-half-empty person with a tendency to be straightforward. She hopes to become a glass-refillable person after grasping a stable career.
