To Impale or to be Impaled: Vlad III
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Portrait of Vlad III of Wallachia
Vlad III Draculea, who was the man behind the blueprint for tall, dark, pale morally grey boyfriends everywhere?
I know what you’re thinking: Where’s my hot, dark, deathly pale bloodsucking vampire boyfriend?
Me too, girl, me too. Though since we both can’t seem to find one, let’s take this time to review the man behind it all, one of the most notorious inspirations behind the cult craze of vampires and bloodlust, the blueprint for our questionable taste in men, Vlad the III Draculea.
Known by many names, some of the most prominent being Vlad III Draculea, Son of the Dragon, or Vlad the Impaler, given to him by his numerous enemies. Another name we can also assume may have been commonly used to refer to him was Asshole. However, that’s personal speculation and not a historical fact.
Mysterious orders, larger-than-life castles, and a forest of bodies left out on spikes without care for the age or vulnerability of the victim. Brutal and subtle is an understatement when describing Vlad the III; This man was a terrifying warlord who slayed and impaled anyone in his way. The words, Compromise and forgiveness were not in Vlad's personal vocabulary, as he never seemed to forget an offense or slight against him or those around him.
Going to any feast hosted by him would be strongly advised against as it often was a one-way invitation; you come and feast, and he sits and watches with pleasure as you are stabbed and impaled, tortured and imprisoned until he has something useful for you to do (such as build him fancy castles). Oh, and you can’t forget setting the guests on fire and letting them all burn to death as well. He was certainly innovative when it came to dinner-time entertainment and killing large groups of people!
Being responsible for over 800,000 deaths during his reign, most having something to do with (surprise) impalement, the 2nd son of Vlad II and Princess Cneajna of Moldavia, Vlad III certainly made a name for himself. However, his rise to power was not exactly as smooth as he probably would have liked. With his father being overthrown at a young age, discourse ran rampant, and for quite a while, there was a power struggle in Wallachia. Though at the age of 24 Vlad finally made his claim permanent on July 22nd, 1456 through hand-to-hand combat.
During his reign, Vlad cracked down on everything, from liars to thieves and even the homeless. He showed no mercy in persecuting whoever he saw fit, well, making sure to change around the seats of power so he’d have full control over his officials and court. He did this by electing those of lower and common birth so that without him, they'd be unable to keep their place and power. Though he was ruthless, it's safe to say as a warlord and dictator, he was a genius.
One of his best-known ‘accomplishments’ in his eyes, ‘atrocities’ in our eyes, was what was called the ‘forest’ of the dead. This is exactly what it sounds like: more than 23,000 people of all ages and types impaled and left to line the road of an enemy route outside of the city of Targovishte in 1476. This was done in response to the army of 90,000 men assembled by Mehmed II, who was looking to take Wallachia. Though after witnessing the gruesome sight, Mehmed II turned around and marched back to Constantinople with his men. The forest was described as victims piled on victims, mothers impaled with their babies and children—a strong smell of rotten, decomposing corpses, with animals such as birds nesting inside their exposed entrails.
Vlad, in 1462, was captured by Matthias I and was imprisoned for 12 years, until set free to reclaim Wallachia in the name of Hungary during 1475. Though originally successful in his endeavor, Vlad III died in 1476, after being ambushed and decapitated by an Ottoman patrol. His head was then sent to Mehmed II, the Sultan in Constantinople, as a trophy. They hung Vlad’s head on the city gates, what an Ironic end for the man who loved nothing more than to display the dead.
I highly recommend researching Vladdy on your own time, as there is just so much to cover in depth about this blood-crazed, castle-loving warlord. To try and fit it in one piece would put you and me in an early grave.
From his early days to his many battles, up until his very last moments, Vlad the Impaler made sure he would never be forgotten. Though his existence was a blood-soaked one, Vlad the impale-crazed III’s antics have made my 3am sleep-deprived Google searches fruitful and enlightening.
Finally, at the end of the day (and this blog), I think we can all agree on one thing, and that is that Vlad the III suffered from middle-child syndrome; all the killing and impaling was certainly a cry for attention; sadly, his dad was dead. Though Vlad’s deep-seeded daddy issues have made for a rather juicy story that we can all sink our teeth into.
Hi, my name is Breanne Gormley. I’m currently in my second year of Professional Writing at Algonquin College. I am passionate about the color blue, tiny skulls, folklore, and petting random cats I find on the street. I have a deep love of writing, and I can’t wait to take a trip with you through time and explore the finer things in life, specifically tragic events and brutal murders. I hope you will enjoy this blog as much as I do.
