The arrogance of man is thinking nature is in our control, and not the other way around. Let them fight.

The following contest is a fight to the death for the Ultimate Kaiju Game Championship. Introducing first: released for the GameCube and original Xbox and developed by Pipeworks Software… Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee! And the opponent: released for PlayStation 1 and developed by Surveyor Corp… Gamera 2000! It’s the battle we’ve all been waiting for. The God of Destruction versus The Friend of All Children. King of the Monsters versus The Guardian of the Universe. Godzilla versus Gamera!

I will be the puny human caught in the middle of this extravagant battle and will crown a winner based on each title’s gameplay and features. Two classic video games… two beloved Japanese kaiju… but only one winner. Which title will be the new Ultimate Kaiju Game? Ladies and gentlemen… let’s get ready to rumble. No cities were flattened in the making of this blog post.

Admiral, we must keep our faith in Gojira.

In the red corner is Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee. This smash ‘em up game lets the player choose between 11 playable kaiju to appease their city squashing desires. The gameplay is full-blown destruction—there are giant monsters, freeze tanks, Mothra airstrikes, beam attacks, combos, throwable objects and kaiju madness. Power orbs also spawn throughout the city, which provide additional health, energy and rage. However, the highlight of this game is the four-player couch co-op. I had friends over almost every weekend just to play this game, and it was always a race to pick Godzilla because he had some of the best combat moves.

For example, he could pick up any monster, spin them around, throw them into the air and finish them with a tail strike to the sternum. King Ghidorah was another monster who had some razor combat moves; the 10,000-Year-Old Dragon can fly, shoot laser beams out of his three mouths and kick you in the chin while he’s flying around. Now, picture that kind of mayhem with four of your best friends. There’s laughter, cursing and fun. Good times!

Gamera liked you. Gamera must have a good heart.

In the blue corner is Gamera 2000. The gameplay is quite similar to Panzer Dragoon but has one key element separating the two: kaiju freaking madness. The game features eight levels of crazy flying maneuvers, retro FMV sequences and a classic Japanese 90s soundtrack. Gamera teams up with the player to drive alien invaders off Earth using a variety of weapons like plasma fireballs, vanishing plasma fists and ultimate plasma mana cannons.

Gamera 2000 also has some sweet level designs. You could be in the middle of a mega city battling a massive alien death ship on one level, and then in the heart of a volcano duking it out with a robotic kaiju killer the level after. The stages are fast paced, so you’ll need quick reflexes to survive the alien onslaught.

Unfortunately, you never get the chance to play as Gamera, which is the game’s biggest flaw. Why have a Gamera game if I can’t even be Gamera? It’s crazy! However, I am a huge Gamera fan, so it’s a dream come true fighting alongside the friendly beast. Watching him fly around in his rocket powered shell is amazing too… but it’s not enough to declare Gamera 2000 as the winner of this contest. The game is also a single-player experience, which is another major hit on The Friend of All Children.

And the winner is…

This has been one heck of a contest, folks! Each kaiju has their frigging razor features and—wait… what’s this?! Godzilla just picked Gamera off his feet, spun him around, tossed him and whacked him with his tail?! Godzilla now has Gamera in a pin! 1… 2… 3! Ding, ding, ding!

The winner of this match and new Ultimate Kaiju Game Champion… Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee! Sorry, Gamera. I’ll always love you more than Godzilla.

Styles HD

Styles writes funny stuff and is a funny guy. Or so he thinks. He writes novels, lives in Hangar 11, and plays a lot of Halo. He’s pretty good at it - message him for 1v1’s.