There really is no feeling in the world like giving up on yourself, and I was forced to deal with that situation over this summer.

In the beginning of my first year of college I began to experience minor back pain, and it steadily got worse and worse. As the summer drew closer and I went back to my old job it became a daily issue, a stabbing pain in my spine and sides. Several appointments with doctors and emergency runs to the hospital revealed my kidneys were failing, and my body wasn’t able to properly function anymore.

Unfortunately, it didn’t end there. I began medicine for the kidney disease, and soon that cleared up. It all looked uphill from there, until one day at work something popped out of place. I found myself being rushed to the hospital, barely conscious, and after many long hours, and a few blackouts, I learned that two discs in my spine had slid out of place, and were beginning to sever the cord of nerves on the left side of my spine (the L3-4 disc and the L4-5).

I began physiotherapy a few days later, and received a series of injections to keep the discs from falling further. Surgery was no longer an option as it was too risky; there was too high of a chance of severing the cord entirely and causing me to lose any communication to my left leg for life. I had to leave work, I needed a cane to get around, and the summer became a trial. Moving around the house was absolute hell, while even getting up out of bed was nearly on impossible.

Long nights led to more hospital runs, and I found myself in a rut. The discs were falling further and further out of place, almost entirely severing the cord of nerves, and my leg began to warp subconsciously. It twisted outwards nonstop, bringing the hip and pelvis along, while rotating the knee inwards to maintain my balance. Soon after I began feeling tingling sensations in my left arm, and subsequent hospital visits revealed I had developed nerve damage along the left side of my body. Spending all my time alone, unable to even leave my bedroom for sixteen straight weeks, I gave up on myself. I didn’t believe I would get better, and I slipped into a serious depression.

This blog is about the difficulties I've been facing in both my mental and physical health, and the pains people face when they can no longer support themselves.

Dan Hendrikx

Daniel Hendrikx is a Professional Writing student from Newcastle, Ontario. Daniel grew up working on farms, and writing his own fiction. He finds time to write between playing video games and his guitar. Daniel is aspiring to be a professional writer. One day Daniel hopes to write a memoir as he draws his best inspirations from his own life.