For years now, humans have been able to look to the internet to get the information they need. What about the years before the internet? Or worse, what about a time when we weren’t that big into science?

This is where etiological myths come to party. Early humans used etiological myths to explain phenomena that they couldn’t otherwise understand.

Science? Who’s that?

Think back to when you were a child: you put a tooth under your pillow, and in the morning, there would be money instead. You believed your parents that the switch had been made by a magical fairy because you didn’t have the background knowledge to suggest an alternate explanation.

When early humans accidently discovered the method of making alcohol, they immediately assumed that it was the work of the gods. They thought that a god had visited their jars of damp grain and fermented it. So when, in much a similar fashion, gross grain water was turned into grosser fermented liquid, early humans were keen to believe that it was a divine act, rather than non-existent science.

Fun Explanations for Perfectly Normal Things

Drunkenness

Not only were pre-science humans amazed by the miracle transformation of a jar of disgusting wet barley into a bubbling mass of off-coloured liquid, but when they defied common sense and drank the putrid nonsense, they became drunk. Praise the gods’ eternal wisdom!

The Ancient Greeks believed that the god Dionysus visited them and made them drunk. Hausans believed that a spirit named Ba Maguje represented drunkenness and played a large part in that fuzzy feeling after too much fermented jar water.

Volcanoes

Is it a coincidence that volcano and Vulcan (the Roman god of blacksmithing) are basically the same word? It is not. The ancient Greek god Hephaestos was rejected from Mount Olympos because of his deformed leg. When Zeus threw him into the mortal world, Hephaestos landed next to a mountain. He took up residence within this mountain and even set up a forge. The heat and smoke that comes from metal-working escaped out the top of the mountain and thus volcanoes were born.

“What does this have to do with Vulcan?” you may ask. The Romans were generally too busy conquering things to invent their own mythology—they just stole stories from everyone else and changed the names a little. So, that delightful little story about Hephaestos became all about Vulcan.

The Klickitat people of modern-day Oregon have their own explanation for the existence of their local volcanoes. An old woman named Loowit once saved her tribe by giving them fire and was rewarded by Tahee Sahale (or Great Spirit) with the gift of youth and beauty. Well, the god overdid it and now two men from different tribes decided to go to war for her affection. They destroyed a sacred land bridge because they were throwing giant, hot boulders and had terrible aim. The gods got mad and turned the entire love triangle into volcanoes, whose eruptions were long seen as the lovers continuing to fight.

Illness

One of the most prolific topics for etiological myths is illness—mental and physical. For as long as humans have formed semi-logical thought, we have concocted mythological explanations for illnesses. We do this even in modern times, which I promise to explain in a minute.

In broad strokes, ancient people most often attributed illness to one angry god or another. The Bible is full of God sending plagues and making menstruation painful because of Eve’s original sin. Mental illnesses were often thought to be the work of some demon or spirit. Even if we consider post-science time periods, humans still attributed illness to “moral failings” or “going outside without a hat on”.

In This Essay I Will…

Conspiracy theories are modern-day etiological myths. They are stories created to help humans understand something that confuses us or might be too complicated for most of us to grasp.

Whereas the ancient Greeks believed that it was angry gods that caused illness, some modern humans believe that vaccines cause autism. Science does not yet have an explanation for autism (not that we need one), so some humans have reverted to a pre-science style explanation and have created a new etiological myth.

Another similar (and more fun) idea that pre-science and post-science mythologies share, is the idea of a flat Earth. Many ancient cultures (Greeks, Norse, Germanic, and Mesopotamians, to name a few) believed that the Earth was flat, but the idea was debunked with empirical proof far earlier than most people think. People often have the idea of medieval scientists and their discovery of spheres. Theories on a spherical Earth have been documented as early as the 6th century BC. So, while the flat earth myth made the most sense to Ancient peoples in the beginning, they shifted from myth to science when they had the knowledge to do so.

These days, some people have seemingly decided to shift back. And, while etiological myths were accepted and common place in the past, we now look down on those who believe in them today. Perhaps because the ancient myths served as the best explanation available, while modern myths are generally some of the worst explanations people can come up with.

So, what have we learned today? That the gods make us drunk and volcanoes are just angry. And that conspiracy theories are etiological myths.

Molly Desson

Molly Desson is a Professional Writing student at Algonquin College. When she’s not busy with coursework, she’s either talking to or about her dog. Some of her non-dog interests include the ancient world, crafts, and being outside.