On Life and Death

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So maybe up until now, it’s sounded like I’ve had something to prove with this whole blog thing. What has ranting about stuff I don’t understand or care about and keeping stuff simple led up to? Well, it’s a way more common affliction than you might think. It’s something that everyone feels at some point or another (unless I’m assuming again and thinking I speak for everyone like an idiot), but here you go.

I don’t want to grow up. The most important thing about being a man is accepting things that are beyond your control, and growing up is one of those things. I don’t want so much responsibility that I can’t handle it. I don’t want to lose what I have, and most importantly, I don’t want to grow old and eventually die.

DO NOT WANT!!!

DO NOT WANT!!!

There’s a thing that runs through my head every time I think about dying. If there’s no afterlife or heaven or hell or whatever, then does that mean I’ll just be dreaming for the rest of time? It would be pretty nice, but it wouldn’t work like that because I’ll be dead and my brain will have shut itself off forever. Besides, with my kind of luck I’ll just have recurring nightmares about Jeff the Killer. If that’s not irony, I don’t know what is. So that basically equates to me just lying underground until I rot, and whenever I think about that, I feel like I just got gang-beaten.

Okay, that’s pushing it, but you get what I’m saying!

So how do I get through my day knowing that I’ll eventually die and might just cease to exist? I have that unnerving thought every once in a while, so why doesn’t it make me depressed for the rest of the day? Well, as someone who’s been alive for a little over nineteen years now, I can safely say that there are enough good things in life to make me really appreciate it. As long as I look after myself, I figure I’ve got at least seventy years in me. The end will feel like it came too fast, but that’s what life is: a bittersweet symphony. Got a lot of life in you? Make all of it count.

Don’t look back and don’t worry about what’s ahead. Keep on going. Just try to watch your step, that’s all. Don’t be like this ass.

Justin Bedard

Justin Bedard is your average Canadian male (maybe not, depending on what you consider average to be). He is a student in Algonquin College’s Professional Writing program. He rarely speaks unless spoken to and has a tendency to overthink things.

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On Laziness

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“Get up! You need to brush your teeth, mow the lawn, take your driver’s test, and pay the bills! Why aren’t you up yet?!?”

"CAUSE I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT! GAWD!!!"

You hear that? That’s me, you, and eventually everyone submitting to the sin of sloth, if you're of the religious mind. People say “why put off ‘til tomorrow what you can do today?” Let me rephrase that in an unoriginal way: “Why do today what you can put off ‘til tomorrow?” And yes, I just quoted SpongeBob. Good show…once upon a time.

There always seem to be days where I don’t do something just because I don’t feel like doing it. Take mowing the lawn, for example. At my age, I shouldn’t get paid to mow the lawn, but I do. Handsomely, might I add. That should be enough for me to get up off my ass and do it, right? Yeah, you’d think that, wouldn’t you? I obviously can’t do it in the rain or when the wind decides to have itself a ball and tear down some telephone poles, but there’s always average days where I look out at the lawn and go “nah, not today.” I say that the next day, too. And the next day. And every day after that until it starts looking like a freakin’ jungle out there.

Apparently there was a reason I heard "All Out of Love" every time I decided not to mow the lawn.

Apparently there was a reason I heard "All Out of Love" every time I decided not to mow the lawn.

 

Getting lots of sleep and relaxation is always a treat. Be lazy on your own time, though, not when you’re at your job or whatever important thing. Story time: There’s this one guy in particular who really bugs me, partly because I’m very easily annoyed but also because I feel like if I was anymore lazy, I would be him. He’s always got his eyes half-shut and walking all loosely like he doesn’t have a care in the world (and not in the good way). Got a job for him that he doesn’t feel like doing? Do it for the vine? He ain’t gon’ do it! Seriously, bro! Are you that worried I’m gonna do something funny if you bend over to fix that stack of cans?!? Get your ass in gear!

We’ve all got days where we don’t feel like doing anything, but for the love of God, if someone asks you to do something important, don’t whine about it. Make like Nike and just do it.

...seriously, what's with the chimps, Bruno?

Justin Bedard

Justin Bedard is your average Canadian male (maybe not, depending on what you consider average to be). He is a student in Algonquin College’s Professional Writing program. He rarely speaks unless spoken to and has a tendency to overthink things.

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On Overcomplication

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When I was a kid, I thought I knew everything. Pure vanity on my part, because I now realize there are a million things people talk about every day that I can’t wrap my head around. Politics? Are the cops busting down my door for breathing wrong? No? Then who cares? Income tax? I get fined for making money? Screw you, pay me. Right of way? Okay, I get that it’s common courtesy, but who put a freakin’ roundabout there?!

What I’m getting at is that a lot of times it just seems like things are too complicated for the sake of being too complicated. Maybe that’s just me being stupid again (no surprise there), but here’s a newsflash: not everyone in the world is Einstein levels of smart. For example, I was at a football game (not the one where you actually use your foot) the other night. I don’t know jack about football except that you’re supposed to take the ball and get it to the other end of the field while Hulk-smashing everyone who gets in your way, but for being probably one of the most violent sports, football’s gotta be the most complicated. Don’t believe me? The game gets stopped for absolutely everything! Carry the ball too far? STOP! Guy falls over? STOP! I get distracted by the cheerleaders when they do their naughty dances? STOP! LEMME GET MY CAMERA! Again and again until I feel like my head’s gonna blow itself up.

How was the game? It was okay. Ottawa won and I had some beer, so there’s something.

To alcohol, the cause of (and solution to) all of life's problems!!!

To alcohol, the cause of (and solution to) all of life's problems!!!

There’s things I want to understand but can’t because they’re too complicated. Then there’s stuff so complicated that I lose interest altogether, like the government. What’s Harper doing wrong? What’s Trudeau doing right? I couldn’t tell you if I wanted to. And I don’t.

Maybe I’m an idiot for not understanding football and a jackass for not caring what our government does provided it doesn’t inconvenience me. I’m lacking in the common sense department, and if something doesn’t make sense to me right out of the gate, don’t count on me to understand it or even care about it. I don’t understand how these things work, but if they don’t interfere with my everyday life, why should I even care? Hell, why should you?

Did that make sense? Probably not. Neither does life sometimes.

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Justin Bedard

Justin Bedard is your average Canadian male (maybe not, depending on what you consider average to be). He is a student in Algonquin College’s Professional Writing program. He rarely speaks unless spoken to and has a tendency to overthink things.

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On Being a Wallflower and/or Basket Case

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Please ignore the reference to a book hipsters adore.

Most people don’t enjoy being stared at. It makes them feel creeped out, disturbed, irked, or whatever other word you can use for that: Be poetic. Say flabbergasted for all I care. If you wanna have fun staring at something, go to the bloody zoo. How do you avoid getting stared at? Not having any physical quirks kinda helps with that (like this one guy I know who smiles like an idiot one minute and then walks like he’s about to punch someone’s lights out the next). Don’t make eye contact, don’t speak unless spoken to, and most importantly, do not talk about fight club…what?

Blending in with everybody else going about their days is how I avoid attracting unwanted attention. Just as well, because some people like having center stage so much that it's hazardous.

So not trying to be the centre of attention here...and yes. That's me.

So not trying to be the centre of attention here...and yes. That's me.

Even more interesting is that when you’re not the centre of attention and just walk without talking to anybody, you notice little things about everything and everyone you pass and make tiny judgments on them. That’s a pretty cool mural. He looks like a show-off. She looks like a total bitch. Dear God, what’s that smell?! Why’s that guy looking at me like that? That’s ain't a nice look, bro! Call the cops!

...sorry you had to see that.

But why do I just walk around and not talk to anyone unless they talk to me? Is there a point to it? Well, not really. None that won’t make me sound like a loser, anyway. That’s not to say I don’t like talking to people. I do, but I’m better off being seen and not heard. I feel like if I utter even one small word, someone in the room is gonna pounce on me. Classic paranoia. I’m not one for conflict. I don’t like to argue because I usually don’t have a good enough point. Don’t point fingers at me. Stop looking at me! I’m gonna puke, man!

You hear that? That’s the hypocrite alarm on full blast. I don’t want or need attention? Then why the bloody hell am I writing a blog?! …did I mention I might have Asperger’s (pronounced “ass burgers”)?

Justin Bedard

Justin Bedard is your average Canadian male (maybe not, depending on what you consider average to be). He is a student in Algonquin College’s Professional Writing program. He rarely speaks unless spoken to and has a tendency to overthink things.

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