Red or Green Nation?
/By Olivia Vanderwal
It’s 2015. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced that marijuana is finally legal all over the country to purchase and smoke. Stores and lounges open their doors for the first time, and the country is in an uproar.
Some are saying it is the apocalypse. The “devil’s grass” is now freely accessible to the people, Conservative-party supporters are rioting to stop to the prohibition, threatening to bomb Parliament, setting cars on fires, breaking anything in sight. Everyone else is high in the streets stealing food from the grocery stores, blowing their skunk-smelling smoke in babies’ faces.
More than 75 percent of Canadians aren’t showing up to work. Everyone is either overdosing on THC or too burnt out to leave their beds. Hospitals are full of people with obstructed bowels, as they were munching too many snacks, and bursting their guts from uncontrollable laughter.
“Everyone needs to lock their doors now,” a frightened mother tells reporters before a weed addict eats her too. The end of productivity is upon us; businesses are shutting down due to lack of activity and workplace accidents. Every highway is backed up coast to coast with millions of car accidents, many of which have been fatal.
Trudeau explains, “it’s great for taxpayer revenue.” The sales of marijuana have reached over a trillion dollars – stoners are everywhere!
Everyone is turning to meth now, because once you try marijuana, meth is the logical next step. Drug dealers are making millions; Canada has become one big party. Krazy Q, the top meth dealer in Canada says he’s ecstatic with the business. “Even children are shooting up these days! It’s pretty dope man!” He thanks Trudeau for letting him move up from small-town weed dealer to the big leagues.
As people start losing their jobs, the poverty rate rises to over 45 percent. People are in the streets, begging for more marijuana. They are selling their children for their next fix, to smoke up another time.
Refugees are fleeing Canada to Syria to escape the freedom Trudeau has thrown at them. “There’s too much freedom in this country,” Conservative refugees all cry as they jump into their 150-foot yachts.
The country begins over populating, for there isn’t a single person who has cancer. Everyone has been cured and there are not enough businesses open now to employ them – not like they really wanted a job; they are too busy munching and napping.
Everyone is enjoying movies, there hasn’t been a bad movie review since the announcement of the end of the prohibition. Same goes for restaurant reviews – the food is always great! The art of writing a review is lost; everyone knows it’s going to be awesome if you just get baked!
“Real Change!” Trudeau promised, being the first prime minister to tell the truth in his platform. That silly kid.
Photo Credit: Márton Berta
OLIVIA VANDERWAL
Olivia Vanderwal is a wanderlust enthusiast, a writer of delicate words, a player of all things acoustic, and a singer in and out of the shower, determined to follow a career in the writing industry. She hopes to dive into scriptwriting for television, while dipping her toes in the songwriting business and also juggling a novel of her own one day. Keep her in your prayers.
